Positive and Negative Anger

Positive and Negative Anger

Positive and Negative Anger

One of the things that gets us in trouble about anger is that we think it is not o'kay. We put this value judgment on it. We're not supposed to be angry. People don't like us when we are angry. They don't want us to express our anger around them. Nobody likes to be yelled at and specifically it is important for us to understand the difference between anger and violence because you say, all emotions are o'kay, anger has a time and a place but when we keep stuffing that anger and stuffing that anger and stuffing that anger what happens is at some point some little thing sets us off and it blows, it starts just popping out all over the place so anger is not o'kay when anger is violent. But anger is o'kay when it comes to standing up for ourselves, telling other people that we felt hurt, using that angry energy to do something like Mother's Against Drunk Driving, angry that the child was killed. And yet that energy in motion becomes the momentum to do something positive and constructive in the world but it started with an angry energy so anger has a time and a place. There is a healthy and productive way to express it and that's what we are going to do next... 

Human Territoriality

Human Territoriality

Territoriality

Territoriality. And I don't know if you knew that this was non-verbal or not, but it is. And I don't know if you realize that you do it or not, but I guarantee you do. What territorality is, is our space. Not in the sense like proximates, but this is my desk, this is my chair, this is my phone, this is my cup of coffee, leave it alone. This is how we establish, who we are. This is us, this represents us. It happens in classrooms, it happens in offices, it happens in personal relationships. When I'm teaching, this topic in my college classroom, what I do, what I find very interesting, is very early on in the semester, students tend to gravitate to a specific seat. They may want to sit in the front, they may want to sit in the back. But whatever it is, very early on they establish, that that's where they're going to sit. That is where they feel comfortable. And that's what this is all about. Then one day, I'll pull three students out in the hall and I'll tell them, the next time you come to class you're going to sit in a different, somebody's chair. And to see the students come in and blow up, because someone is in their space, it happens every time. So your territorality, is the way in which you communicate who you are and your comfort zone and your area. We don't like it when people start messing with our stuff, and so that can be a very, it can be a very negative thing. But it is also simply just very representational of who you are and your rituals for existence. Your ritual for non-verbal, your non-verbal environment...

Tattoos and Piercings | Playful Touch Communication

Tattoos and Piercings

Tattoos and Piercings 

Body adornment. And when I'm talking about body adornment, obviously I'm talking about jewelry. But I'm going to talk about another thing as well. Your jewelry gives very much an impression about you. If you'll notice me, I don't wear a lot of jewelry. That's my style. That is how I communicate non verbally with that artifact. I kind of don't. But other people do. Some people wear, and guys and girls, old and young, big earrings or little earrings or two earrings or nine earrings or jewelry all over your face, or necklaces and bracelets and rings. That is an expression. That is a way to communicate and give an impression about yourself. Now another body adornment in addition to body piercing in general, is tattoos. Tattoos are very much a form of communication, very much give an impression whether good or bad. Tattoos are very popular in society today, so I don't think people really think about them. But they are very aware of them and it is a way through artifacts that you express yourself. Now again, similar to clothing, the only time you want to maybe alter your non verbal artifacts, might be depending on the situation. If you are going for a job interview at a bank, and that's a very conservative environment, you might want to tone your jewelry down or remove some of your body piercing jewelry or possible cover up your tattoos. So, again it’s not anything you need to change or be aware of. Just be aware of circumstantially it does form an impression.

Playful Touch Communication

Playful Touch Communication

We express through touch, something that we communicate with each other is playfulness. And usually these are positive relationships in which touch comes in and creates playfulness. You might think about children and how they are very playful, you know, they wrestle and they run and they chase and they tag and they do all of that. But we as adults can do that as well. And this has a whole lot to do with male-female relationships or you know, relationships, we see a lot of playfulness, especially in the early stages of relationships. You know wrestling, or you know, chucking on the arm, or things where, you know, "I'm going to hit you, but I'm not really hitting you, I'm playfully hitting you". That is a real important thing that we see in, as positive communication in relationships. So playfulness is a good thing. It's completely okay to express yourself physically in that way...

How to Improve Your Work Environment

How to Improve Your Work Environment

Improve Your Work Environment

Improving the situation at work, Before lunch getting out of your car and other times. What if I'm in a job that I am just not having a good time at? It's the work is very demanding perhaps more than a person could possibly do. The environment might be difficult the people that I am dealing with might be difficult. How can I reduce the stress? How can I reduce the degree to which those people's situations environments are like a saber tooth tiger? Well, one way is to get clear about whether or not there are saber tooth tigers what can the boss do to me? Well, the boss could fire me, well what can I do about that? WellI can research jobs, I can figure out why I am afraid of getting fired, I can think about re-training or improving my skills. Each of those are action that can relieve the stress related to that particular situation. Often what we do is, we go through our work through our work day not feeling good but not doing anything about it really. Often what we will do, and this is the risky part of stress at work is we'll come home and take it out on the family. Or on the road take it out on other drivers. Or sometimes we'll do dangerous coping things, such as smoking drinking over eating or perhaps using illegal or entertainment drugs which can make the stress much worse. So, sitting down with somebody like a family member or a collegue who you trust talking about the situation finding out what the problem really consists of and what the possibiliites are to resolve it are effective ways to reduce the stress at work. Keeping in mind that if you can't get an answer to any of these questions the most effective thing to do is relax...

Nonverbal Communication | illustrators | Silence

Illustrators

illustrators

The nonverbal's of body communication, and as I'm telling you what they are so that you can recognize them and I'm also encouraging you to use them. Because like we talked about before, the more you use non-verbal communication, the better communicator you are. So let's take a look at Illustrators. Now, illustrators are, are body movements that go with words. The body is actually enhancing what you're saying and these are really, really important. So if you don't use illustrators, I want to encourage you to do so. They are things like, "Common, let's go". You know, just a simple gesture that, "So let's go", you're saying it with your body as well as your words. These are use a lot in communication. If I'm talking to you and you're trying to interrupt me, I might put my hand up, rather than, or in a long to, "just, just a minute, I'm not finished yet". So illustrators are use to enhance what we're saying but it's very important that you're illustrators actually enhance what you're saying, rather than contradict to what you're saying. Your body might be saying this, but your voice is saying this. So be real aware of what you're saying and doing with your body and make sure that they go together, otherwise you'll be sending mixed messages.

Silence

Silence

Silence. Yes, that was silent. And what does that communicate? Nothing. Nothing. Have you ever heard of, or given, or received the silent treatment? Ah, we see it in relationships a whole lot. And what the silent treatment is something like this. "So, do you want to talk about it?" No, I'd rather be silent and punish you, than tell you how I'm really feeling or thinking. The silent treatment is a way in which we communicate. It communicates that we don't want to communicate. I cannot encourage you enough, not to give people the silent treatment. And I've known a lot of people, I've worked with a lot of people in my life that love the silent treatment. They love for you to have to figure out what it is that you're upset about. And that is really, really bad in communication. It is one of the worst non-verbal tools that you can pick up and use. So, stop using the silent treatment and start encouraging yourself to use words, which is verbal communication, to communicate how you feel...

Stress Causes Symptoms

Stress Causes Symptoms

Stress Causes Symptoms

What happens if we don't take care of these stress symptoms? What happens if I feel the tension doesn?t figure out what it's about and don't find a way to relieve it. And you remember we talked about action plus relaxation equals lower stress. If I notice this happening and I know why it's happing and I go and solve the problem, stress goes away. If I know it's happening but I don't know what to do to solve the problem and I relax, the stress symptom, the energy wastage goes away. What if I don't do that? What if I continue to act as if there is a saber tooth tiger in the room, but don't do anything about it? Well, after a while the energy wastage in the human body, can, can have a serious effect on us. If you recall in the flight or fight activity, our immune system and our digestive system stop working because they're not necessary if there's a saber tooth tiger over there. If our immune system is down, we're more susceptible to whatever bug happens to be in the area, that 's why when the things are often at their worst we often get sick. We get a cold or the flu, or we don't feel good or our energy is down. The ability to notice that early and stop it, can prevent that when we're feeling good when things are going well, we will tend not to get sick. All right! so, we can, we can catch the nervous bug, we can be off our feed. If your digestive system doesn't work well, that?s a large part of the body's operation, it's how we process food. It how healthy we feel based on the food that's coming in. So, all of these things contribute toward not feeling well and at the beginning the not felling well is, is not having energy or "just not feeling ok". After a while that can turn, that can turn into situations, which can exasperate illness. If you've got an illness going on or a disease going on, the fact that your body doesn't have the energy to deal with it allows it to go further and this wonderful healing capacity of our bodies cannot work as well when we're under stress and the stress, and we never resolve the symptoms... 

Tips For Job Interview Sequence

Tips For Job Interview Sequence

Tips For Job Interview Sequence

There are actually three stages of interviews that you might go through. You might not go through all three but it's highly possible, depending on the job and the position, that you might go through all three stages. The first stage that you might go through is the sequence stage and basically what this is is, it's a huge group of people and what the employer is doing is they're trying to cull through and get rid of all the people that in no way would be right for this position. Sometimes these interviews are held on college campuses, maybe in a giant lecture hall or a big room of some sort. This type of interview is very structured and the interviewer will ask all the applicants the same questions. It's a pack set of questions that they're going to ask. General questions, very broad. What you want to do in this type of interview is follow the lead of the interviewer, this is not the interview stage where you go off on a tangent about how fabulous you are. That'll come in a later stage. Right now, go with what the interviewer says, alright. Be short and to the point. Now you can go beyond yes and no answers but you don't want to go on and on and on. Time is very limited, so talking to much can be a huge mistake. Two things that you definitely do want to do in this type of interview. One of your goals is to differentiate yourself from all the other hundreds of applicants and this could be something as simple as, perhaps you know someone who works for the company, you mention their name. Something that sets you apart. Maybe you went to college at the same college that the owner went to, something like that and then you want to have the opportunity, create an opportunity to demonstrate one particular skill that makes you perfect for this position and that's just one of stages and now we're going to look at the other two... 

Nonverbal Communication Eye Contact

Nonverbal Communication Eye Contact

Eye Contact

Eye contact. An eye contact is so important in interpersonal relationships. In fact, if someone is making more than sixty percent eye contact with you in a conversation, that means they're more interested in you than what you're saying. That's a little tip for you. Eye contact does a number of things. One, it secures the attention of the person that you're talking to or for the person whose talking to you. It also signals the nature of the relationship. Levels of intimacy have a whole lot to do with eye contact and comfort. If I'm very comfortable with you, I have no problem making eye contact with you. However, maybe you're my superior and you make me a little nervous, so, I don't make quite as much eye contact with you. I can look away at times. It also shows interests. I'm interested in you. I want to look at you. I want to understand what you're saying rather than, "Hey, look at that girl. Hey, I wonder what they're doing. Hey, I'm listening". And you're constantly looking away. "I'm not really interested". It also can regulate the conversation. You're talking, I'm looking, I'm listening. "I'm looking down now because I disagree and I want to say something". So eye contact is very important. Now let's talk about eye avoidance... 

How to Set Priorities in Life

How to Set Priorities in Life

Set Priorities in Life

Should life consist only of work, or only of problems or demands or if things that we can interpert as saber tooth tigers. Of course not, essentially the human experience consist of two lets say for the sake of argument two areas one is work where we have to put out energy where there's demands made out on us. Where we have to answer someone else's questions perhaps or if we're in our own business our own questions how to survive how to make a living and things like that. The other side is pleasure. Pleasure is like the relaxation part of living. Pleasure is play things where we might give energy but it feels good to do that. Playing a game often sports can do this for us, exercise playing with children. Having a pet and spending a little time with the pet that's one of the reason that we can often get home from a hard day's work and do a thing that immediately brings the stress level down to where we might like it to be like that all day but that's a whole other story. Playing with the cat or playing with the children taking some time to go into the back yard and throwing a ball around with a child. Relaxing in a bath spending time with a family member on weekends one of the risks of the active western life is often our work continues on at night when we are away from the work place on the weekends, sometimes even when we play our sports. If I play racquet ball to the death same way I drive myself at work, well, I am still working I am not playing anymore, so if we consider that life balance means having enough pleasure and relaxation to offset the demands of our daily grind which make it enjoyable for the most part but its still a demand. Is very important taking a look at what we do evenings on the weekends whether we have enough vacations to make up for the time we spent pttting out energy is crucial to physical and mental health. So, sititng down with a pencil and paper and making a list of things that I would like to do in my life and how to fit them in. How much time to spend doing the variety of things that are demands on me and what might help relieve the stress of that is critical to lowering the stress...

Salary Negotiation

Salary Negotiation

Salary Negotiation

Money and of course that's, that's a big part of why we go to work isn't it. But there are a few rules you want to follow when you're talking about money. First of all, you are going to think ahead of time about what you're worth. You need to go into, any stage of an interview, but especially a final stage knowing what you want to get paid. What is it that you think your time and your knowledge and your energy and effort are worth. Information that can help you determine this is knowing the going rate for whatever position you're applying for. Is it entry level, is it mid-level, is it, are you a doctor, a lawyer, whatever it is, what is the standard rate across the country and you can just do an internet search and find out that information. Usually you are presented a salary and in many companies it is an entry level salary. Now, salaries are always open to negotiation unless you are told otherwise. That the salary is not negotiable. But if you want to negotiate a higher salary, traditionally why you do that is because you have a certain skill set, experience on your resume, or educational background that warrants it and that is how you want to present your request to start at a higher salary. Bring up those points, that make you more qualified or experienced than the regular entry level person. It helps in salary negotiation, if the job that you do or the skill set that you have is in short supply or if the companies business is booming. So that's going to be important information for you to know before you decide if you're going to request for a higher salary. Maybe money is not negotiable, and that's ok, benefits are and that's something that you can negotiate. Find out what type of benefits the company offers and sometimes you might be able to pick and choose and play around a little bit with what benefits you get that can increase the value of your overall package. Employers spend 25% to 45% on employee benefits, so always keep that open as a viable option. Maybe you can't get a higher salary but perhaps you can get more paid vacation. Take a look at what they offer and see what you want and what is it worth to you to trade around in order to get it...

How to Create an Acting Resume

How to Create an Acting Resume

Acting Resume

How to Create an Acting Resume online a lot of companies won't hire actors if they don't have a lot of previous experience but then again as an actor it's hard to get that experience if no one will hire you because you don't have it it's kind of a vicious circle that way but this day and age actors have tools available to them like the internet YouTube places like that where they can create material for those sites just to show to anyone out there you know short films music videos advertisements just even them playing a scene out that it really doesn't have a beginning middle and end but it's just you know a monologue that they're sitting at the table giving tist the camera but by posting these short films online they basically create for themselves not only an online real that they can show to anyone who might want to hire them but they can also list it on the resume and then provide links at that very resume that can take these people to these videos basically you know proving to the clients yes I can do the job here are several examples of my previous work now these projects are not by any means big productions they're really just you know simple short films that you might have made with you know students or even just your friends but they still are there on your resume in anybody that wants to hire you can click on a simple link that you've posted there to see them so building an online resume as an actor is incredibly valuable and the best way to do it again is to get an account with the website like youtube and then to start creating material even if it's just you by yourself get or get some buddies together and make a short film do a scene just you with a script reading to the camera these are ways to showcase your talent and get people to see that you are a legitimate actor who can deliver to them the performance that they want without actually having to struggle to get your foot in the door because no one will hire you because you don't have experience this is the way to get that experience...

The Anger Process

THE ANGER PROCESS

The Anger Process

Anger is a pretty big subject Become aware of your feelings, those 27 emotional reactions every hour. The signs that are letting you know that you are starting to feel angry. Changing your state, your physical state. Changing your thoughts, what you are focusing on or thinking about. If the anger has already built up doing something to move the energy in motion through whether it is beating on a pillow or slamming a door. Somehow moving that energy in motion through, writing a letter. Also, taking care of yourself, loving yourself. Loving that emotional inner child self, if you would, so that you take good care of yourself and honor your own boundaries. Because most of the anger that we experience is when we think that somebody has reached in and taken something from us. They take our time from us when they create a traffic jam on the expressway. They take our honor from us when they say something disparaging about us in front of other people. We feel some kind of violation, some kind of a loss in that boundary that we all have around ourselves that is our attempt at taking care of ourselves. So, when you feel that sense of violation of that boundary, it is critical of you to take care of yourself. Love yourself, deal with the energy involved. Move the emotion through in whatever is a healthy, respectful, and safe way so that it doesn't become violence. So, those are some key points for dealing with anger in your life...

What is Stress?

What is Stress?

What is Stress

We?re going to learn what stress actually is. We?ve all heard of a fight or flight mechanism, it?s a survival operation of the human body and applies to all living things, even trees and flowers. The fight or flight mechanism is designed to help us survive danger, of any kind. The body reacts automatically when it perceives, when it, our mind and our body perceive, that we?re in danger and takes certain steps to make sure that we?re safe. For example: Imagine you?re a cave person and there?s a tiger outside, and the tiger is looking eagerly into your cave. Well what would you do to escape the tiger? You would have to fight and defend yourself or run as fast as you can to escape and have a possibility of fighting another day. So in order not survive this kind of a danger, our bodies gear up. Our breathing and heart rate increase to supply blood for muscles , our muscles get tense, so that we can fight the best we can, our pupils dilate so we can see better. Our senses, the ones that will help us fight this tiger, increase and function very effectively to help us survive this movement. Some internal processes shut down temporarily so we can use all our energy for that, for example our immune- and digestive-system. They don?t have to operate while we?re fending of this kind of danger. So we are now geared up, we are sweating, we are tight muscles, we can see excellently and we are set to fight or flee this danger. In our next clip, we?re going to talk about why sometimes that?s a problem...

Symptoms of Stress

Symptoms of Stress

Symptoms of Stress

Why are we putting all this energy into examining stress ? figuring out what its doing in our lives and doing something about it. Well stress causes a variety of symptoms in human beings. And in other animals but were talking about you and me. You already know that when were under stress our pulse rate increases, our blood pressure increases, muscular tension increases. We have hormonal changes everything again geared to prevent our destruction. To help us survive danger. Well, those symptoms can tell us first when were under stress so if my palms are sweaty somethings going on. If I notice that im grinding my teeth somethings going on. If I feel my heart pounding, somethings going on. Those are early symptoms of stress. They can be very subtle we don't notice when our blood pressure is up most of the time. We don't notice when our hands are a little moist. Most of the time. If we take care of the stress for example if I'm grinding my teeth and I notice that and I say oh its the person with the gum or its that problem I haven't taken care of. I have an opportunity to relax let this go and answer the question what do I do now? what I do now is I don't grind my teeth I go solve the problem. Figure out how to do that and take care of it. What if we dont do that? What if these symptoms continue on well in human beings the use of energy thats normally helps us heal our selves, process food properly, work effectively. If that gets wasted than it reduces the degree to which we can do all of those things...

How to Overcome Anxiety Stress

How to Overcome Anxiety Stress

Anxiety Stress

What's a mini vacation? It is a small vaction or a big vacation. Or a vacation that takes a few seconds or few minutes or whatever time you have and what you might imagine is that it doesn't matter how much time you take to allow yourself to relax or be quiet and regenerate. What matters is how you do it and whether you do it with some consistency. Let's talk about having a practice that is routine that allows us to relax whether we need it or not that give us the opportunity to have our bodies regenerate and our minds clear get into kind of a problem solving mode if that's necessary. Now, how can we do that well you remember the contingency sample with a nice deep relaxation breath imagining healthy air coming in and relaxing at the end of the breath. Suppose you did that once an hour throughout the day how much time would that take. Maybe a total of 15 minutes throughout the day and you took two or three breaths relaxed and you went about your business. So suppose you have one of those digital watches that beep on the hour and you set it to chime on each hour and your watch chimes stop whatever you are doing unless of course you are hanging by your fingernails out the window then we'll skip that one. And stop and take a breath and then go back to work. You could do this a total of ten times a day without interfering with anything. We'll be talking about how to incorporate excercises that are that simple to change the way you spend your day from a stress point of view...

Video Job Interview Tips

Video Job Interview Tips

Video Job Interview Tips

Video interview and a lot of companies are going with video interviews, especially if the position is in another city or state. To avoid the cost of flying you out to California or flying you out to New York, or to Texas, or to wherever it is they need to fly you to, they do a video interview because traditionally a company like that, that would be doing your video interview might possibly pay for your transportation and there's a lot of, I'm talking about moving transportation if you get the job, so there's a lot of cost involved and it saves them a tremendous amount of money, the company, if they do a video interview. Especially if they're interviewing a number of candidates. A video interview will take place somewhere and you will be notified where you need to go for this video interview. So don't panic if you're told you have a video interview, it's not like you have to go and buy video equipment, okay. Some real important things about the video conference or interview, you might want to make a preliminary phone call to the person that's going to be interviewing you or the Human Resources person just to find out what they're looking for in this interview, just so you have an idea and you're completely prepared for the video interview. Because even though you will be able to talk back and forth, you won't have that in person contact. You won't be right there, so that's always an option, but not a mandatory thing. You definitely want to arrive early for the video conferencing. That would be like really bad, if you walked in and they were already up on the screen. So definitely allow yourself enough time, get there five, ten, fifteen minutes early. When you do the video conference, you want to speak clearly, but don't speak slower than you normally would. Just make sure that you articulate. You want to look up, now I'm not talking about looking up at the ceiling, but in a video conference if you look down we won't get to see your eyes. You will not be able to make contact with the people on the other end of the line. So definitely keep your eyes up and you want to allow for a certain degree of animation. Now you don't want to distort your face in such a way with over animation but you don't want to be boring either. So that's a video conference and if you get called for one, just remember these tips right here...

Job Interview Selection Process

Job Interview Selection Process

Job Interview

The next stage is the selection stage and the thing about the selection stage is that you will always go through this stage. You may not have the first stage, which is sequence, and you may not have the final stage but you will always have this stage and a lot of employers just jump right to this, depending on the position and the company. And in a minute we're going to talk about all the different types of interviews that you might go through and they are in the selection stage. What happens in the selection stage is the employer is further narrowing it down, who they're most interested in the position. In this stage you're not going to be going up against fifty or a hundred people. You'll be going up against two, four, ten, maybe fifteen people, is all your competition is. This type of interview process, the selection stage, is where you will most likely interview with several different people. Now it will probably all happen on the same day, but you will probably interview with a Human Resources person. You will probably interview with your Direct Supervisor and you will possibly interview with some of the co-workers, some of the people that you'll be working with. What they are looking for in the selection stage, what are your listening skills like, how do you listen. How do you think? How do you express yourself and all of this information will help them to determine how you're going to get along with your colleagues. So you see it's so much bigger than just a resume and qualifications. They're going to determine the fit and that's why at this point, you want to probe a little bit to find out about the company to see about the fit from your end. They're checking now to see how you'll fit from their end, alright. So this is a real important stage, this will happen, but there is one more stage, lets talk about it now...

Appearances Definition | Artifactual Communication

APPEARANCES

Appearances Definition

Now, remember when we're talking about non verbal communications we're basically dealing with impressions. Things that exist physically without words that form impressions. So, another form of non verbal communication, that you don't have to do anything about, it just is a form of non verbal communication, is your appearance. I'm talking about your height, I'm talking about your weight, I'm talking about the way that you dress, which I'm going to talk about a little later on in more detail, I'm talking about your hair color, your hair style, all those things form an impression. So, just by being who you are or how you are, you're forming an impression that is non verbal, that is why they say "people make an impression about you the first thirty seconds to sixty seconds they meet you", that's based on appearance. Soon as you walk in the door you are communicating non verbal messages, so, something to think about.

ARTIFACTUAL COMMUNICATION

Artifactual Communication

Artifactual communication. And I know these are things that you've thought about but I bet you never really thought about them as being part of non verbal communication. Well, what artifactual communication is, they are things. Things that we have and that's the first thing I want to talk about. Part of your non verbal communication is space decoration. Now when I'm talking about space decoration, I want you to think in terms of your room. Your office. Your cubicle. Your complete home. How do you decorate that space? That communicates volumes about you as a person non verbally. Is it really, really, really, really, really cluttered? Is it immaculately placed? What kind of art is on the wall? What kind of things do you surround yourself with? Space decoration communicates who you are. Now do you necessarily need to change this? Absolutely not!! But you need to recognize that the things around you in your environment will establish to other people who you are...

Advice For Parenting Teenagers

Advice For Parenting Teenagers

Advice For Parenting Teenagers

I find that parents a lot of times use guilt and shame as a way of feeble attempt to motivate their kids to do better. And for a lot of reasons that doesn't work. The biggest reason is that most teenagers just by the fact that their teenagers and walking through things have lots of their own self induced guilt and shame. They know when they are screwing up. They know when they didn't have good grades. They know when they haven't came home on time and when they have been doing stuff that parents might not approve. And for them to then come home and hear from their parents all sorts of stuff about this, just makes them feel worse which keeps the problem going on. There are a couple of ways that parents do this guilty and shaming. The worst offender is your behavior is hurting me so much, your behavior is an embarrassment to our family, your behavior is, well you got the idea.

Why is the tactic such a bad idea? What is guilt and shaming? What could that lead to?) Well, the problem with guilt, when kids have a lot of guilt and shame, is they end up doing things to cover for them. I have one of my kids who use to quit jobs just by walking out of them and not giving notice and all of that and he had so much shame about that that he didn't even go and pick up his last check. They almost had to force it on him and then because he didn't clean it up the next job he went to, he did it all over again. All the times kids who are full of guilt and shame start getting into very addictive behaviors or they drop out of school. But the real thing that I want to mention here is to talk about the fact that parents do this guilt and shaming or throwing guilt upon their kid for the wrong reasons. They are doing to motivate, but really the reason they are doing it is because they haven't separated their own feelings about the process of parenting and what is going on and how it is affecting them from the actual. How do I become an affective parent to my kid? I can remember years ago when I had a foster kid who was just being an idiot. He just wasn't doing things in the way of it working and I really, really, really felt like getting a baseball bat, beating his head in. But that is so not much my character that I shocked and just saying wait a minute, stop here, let's go and keep your feelings out of this and start concentrating on working with the kid's feelings and motivating them in a way that will work for him...

Anger Management Anger Body

Anger Management Anger Body

Anger Management

The first step in dealing with anger is becoming aware of the subtle body signals that are letting you know that somethings wrong. You've probably experienced noticing that something was going on with someone and saying "are you angry?" and they go "angry? I'm not angry, what makes you think I'm angry?" and the jaw is tightly clinched. Sometimes people actually literally are in denial about feeling their own anger but the body is giving them all kinds of messages, clinched jaw, grinding teeth at night, maybe even just standing around and realizing that you're holding your hand in a fist and looking down and you've, actually, been white knuckling it and not even realizing it. Sometimes it's holding your breath because something is bothering you and "I shouldn't say anything about it", or "it's not ok to tell that person I'm angry", or "I shouldn't feel angry". Becoming aware of the body and all the subtle things in the body, is the first step for figuring out what you're angry about because when you notice the tightness in the body, then you listen to the thought and listen to what your self conversation is going on, what you're talking to or saying to yourself. That will tell you what's happening inside of you to realize that you're upset about something, a violation has accrued, a loss has accrued, you're feeling frustrated about something. Anger is this "why" spectrum of emotion from what, most of us, would call annoyed or frustrated to that violence and rage that none of us really want to be around or involved in. If we can start noticing the anger when it's over here, on this end of the spectrum, when it's that annoyance, and that frustration, and the irritation or that sense of loss that we don't feel very good about, if we can recognize that here then we can act faster and act sooner so that we don't become that volcano that erupts in somebody's face over the tiniest little thing...

How to Overcome Anxiety | How to Manage Stress

How to Overcome Anxiety How to Manage Stress

How to Manage Stress

Wow, so there's no saber tooth tiger in the room, I have a problem to solve and here is my body gearing up as if I am going to be killed and eaten, by this tiger. So it is important to recognize the difference between real danger, physical danger, and the kind of danger that says I need to do something. I need to solve a problem I need to attend to something in order for life to continue as happily as it's possible to be. So I need to stop, well let’s have some basic rules, ok. Basic rules of stress management. If there is nothing to do, don't do anything. So if I am tight like this and there is nothing to use it on, I should stop. And I might have a tool such as the contingency sample that you have learned about to relax, to clear my mind and think about what is there to do. Second rule, action, plus relaxation equals lower stress, so is there a saber tooth tiger in the room, well it looks like an action time. Do I have to call somebody, make a decision, buy something, do some research to solve the problem, that's action. Do I have to say to somebody who is clicking their gum at the next desk, would you mind stopping because I can't concentrate, that's action. But what if the problem can't be solved by anything that I am aware of right now, I don't have an answer, I can't think of anything to do. I am completely be fuddled that's the relaxation part. If I can't think of anything to do, rather than bang my head against the wall because I can't think of anything to do it would be very effective to stop, relax, clear my mind and then figure out what to next...

Tips For Giving A Great Speech | Tips For Eye Contact

Public Speaking Giving A Great Speech

Tips For Giving A Great Speech

The face. Can't talk about the body and not talk about the face, because the face is a really important part of public speaking. Why? The eyes. And yes, there really is some truth to that. I can't build a relationship with you as the listener unless you make eye contact with me, so it's really, really important that you make eye contact. Now, there's a couple of rules here. Make eye contact, rather than delivering your entire speech like this, and never, ever, ever, ever, ever looking up. You don't want to do that. But I'll tell you what's even worse, and I find this as a public speaking professor, that the student will sit there and they will give the entire speech looking directly in my eyes, piercing wholes through my flesh. Yeah, no, that makes me uncomfortable. So you have to get to where you can kind of take a look around. Talk to your entire audience. Not avoid them, not focus on one, but talk to everybody. And it's a little tricky because what we tend to do is we tend to focus where we're getting the most positive feedback. And I'm going to talk about that later. But the person who is giving you a smile and a nod is the person that you're going to become the most comfortable looking at. But don't forget to deliver your speech to the whole group, making eye contact with everyone. And again, with the face, relax and smile. You don't want to deliver your speech with an oatmeal face, and you never smile, and is really expressionless, because, well, you know, it would be more exciting to lick cardboard. Use your face. Smile, make great eye contact.

Tips For Eye Contact

Tips For Eye Contact

Eye contact. We just talked about the face and how we want to be real expressive. But, now I want to talk about your eyes. And, this is really important. Remember, I talked about how you have your material in a book. Two things that you should not do with your eyes. One, leave your eyes down on the pages of the book throughout the whole reading. If we never see your eyes, if we never make eye contact with you we can't build a relationship with you. At the same time, you don't want to look at us the whole time and never look down at your book. Because, if you never look down at your book that means the material is memorized. And, you can't memorize this material. So, you definitely want to be real familiar with the material. Familiar enough, that you can make eye contact. But, find a balance. Looking at us, looking at the audience, looking at the book. Us, the book, us, the book. Find that perfect balance of eye contact... 

Facial Expressions | Nonverbal Communication

Facial Expressions Nonverbal Communication

Facial Expressions

The face. There are actually two things that your face communicates. The first thing that I want to talk about is what your face communicates with or without trying. You may manipulate your face to communicate something. But a lot of times our facial expressions just happen in reaction to the things around us. And that is facial communication. It has been proven that your face can communicate all of these emotions simply by what you do with it. Surprise, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, contempt, interest and happiness. There are other researchers that also believe, and I believe it as well, that our face can communicate bewilderment. When we just don't really know exactly what it is you are trying to tell us and we don't understand. So sometimes you can be aware of what you do with your face. Sometimes it's just going to be an automatic reaction. I might make a mental choice to, to prove to you through my face that I'm not very happy. Or I might walk in the door and you've thrown me a surprise birthday party that I didn't know about, that's going to be something that's automatic. These are neither good nor necessarily bad. They establish to the person you're trying to communicate with a stronger understanding of how you feel. So I encourage you to use them but don't abuse them...

Preparing For A Job Interview | JOB INTERVIEWS

PREPARING FOR A JOB INTERVIEW

Preparing For A Job Interview

Some of the things that you want to look for mock interview, or if you're not going to tape it, have your friend observe your nonverbal behavior. And what I'm talking about when I say nonverbal behavior is your eye contact. It is imperative that you make eye contact with your interviewer. Not that you, don't be all staring off, and at the same time, like don't bore holes through him with such an intense stare that it becomes uncomfortable. But you want to make good eye contact. You want to smile. Not like a Cheshire cat nonstop, but by smiling it shows that you're a friendly person. You want to sit with good posture. You don't want to be all slouched over in the chair, don't put your feet up on the table or anything like that. But you want to sit and have nice posture. Your hand gestures are real important. The first thing that you do, is you don't want to cross your arms, because this is a very defensive gesture. It's important to use hand gestures, now you don't want to be all over the place with your hand gestures, but hand gestures are good. They're important. And what your gestures, your hand gestures, your body positioning, your eye contact, that actually shows your interviewer a lot of things about that you are or that you are not. Alert, assertive, dependable, confident, responsible, and energetic. Your body language can express all those things to the interviewer, so that's one of the things that you want to pay real close attention to as you're practicing for your interview...

How to Manage Fear | How to Overcome Fear

How to Manage Fear

How to Manage Fear

Alright.. letting go of our fear and you mentioned that you were " I was terrified", terrified, What can people do? What are real techniques and tools that you can give them? Well, we are one, we are one and there's a universal principle and I can only just share with you what happened to me. And that is when I was tossing and turning I thought of a million excuses I could make up to cancel this. I mean everything I could think of. I was frozen in fear. I felt that every part of my body ached. It was a physical manifestation. I was terrified and what I did is I just laid down and let myself be miserable. I mean, I probably laid there for about an hour and really I kept asking myself what am I really afraid of. What is really scaring me and I had to really work with myself and be and allow myself to cry, and allow myself to stomp around the house And go into the bathroom and wash myself a few times and ask myself why am I freaking out about this? Cause fear grips you that is why they use the word grip. You?re like wow this is scary, and sometimes we don't even know why were scary. It can take years to work through this stuff. But the more you stay accepted, know what's there and look at what's really going on. What am I really afraid of here because it's usually hidden and if you can dig down to what's really hidden. Really, yes, for me what's scary for me about this book is that is didn't come from me, it doesn't feel like it. It came through me. And when I was on a TV show many years ago right after I first wrote the book somebody he said to me "oh, so this came from God. People were not open to the fact that there's a consciousness you can just step into and just focus on. So my fear is really coming from that experience. That oh what if that happens again? What if people think you?re crazy that you had this book come to you? You know it's a lot easier to say I wrote this book I spent twenty five years writing this book that would be easy. To say it came to me in two days was not easy. There's a possibility of rejection for me and that was what my fear was rejection or judgment. I think a lot of fear comes from that rejection and judgment and that's why is important to love yourself and to say you know what I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to and sometimes you may drive halfway to the party and turn around and go back but at least you got half way there. You know I do the marathon every year. I've done 19 LA marathons and for about two weeks before the marathon I tell everybody I'm terrified. It's 26.2 miles, it's a long way and a lot of people don't make it to the starting line. I say once you cross the starting line at the marathon your half way there. Cause what happens before you have to step over that starting line is horrific. It's so huge. You figure out so many ways to psyche yourself out, so stepping past it. You know the journey doesn't begin starting at the starting line, it's getting there. Once you get to the party your halfway there even if you walk in for five minutes and walk out. You showed up and showing up is the way to get the life you want. And you know what this is with everything from taking a class, going out on a date, or even asking somebody out on a date, attempting to start a business. But the truth is when one of us steps us, we all step up and as each of us rises up our vibration it helps to raise everybody else. That's true. You know it's wonderful to be a part of the solution and ask for support. You know if you open your heart and ask someone, you know I'm afraid to go by myself will you go with me? Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's great. So support is a good way to deal with fear. Good point, excellent...

The Ultimate Guide To Anger Management - Trending topics and Information

The Ultimate Guide To Anger Management

Anger Management 

So in those 27 different emotional reactions that we have every hour some of them are going to be on that spectrum of anger. And once we recognize the body symptoms again the gnawing of the teeth, the clenching of the hands, one of the most important things that we can do is called changing our state. And it is a very very simple thing to do actually. One is that when the emotions are coming up and we don't want to feel them regardless of which emotion it is our tendency is to hold our breath, we literally stop breathing. And so the fastest and easiest way to change your state is to take a deep breath and now I don't mean, I don't mean an exasperated sigh, that is not what I mean by a deep breath. I literally mean filling up your whole body with a full breath, using all of your lungs to bring in oxygen, that life giving energy and move that other energy through the body through the exhale so it is a big...and literally your physical state changes and because emotions are chemicals and action in your body then your emotional state changes. Another thing you can do is if you are sitting down stand up and if you are standing up sit down, if you are standing still walk, movement is a great way to get energy in motion actually to go out and through the body so you can let go of whatever it is that is going on. Now these are all things that we have been talking about that you can do when you are first recognizing that if in fact you are annoyed, frustrated, angry, whatever word it is on that big spectrum called anger. Let's take the next few segments and talk about what you can do when anger has been built up and you want to let it go so that it doesn't explode in the wrong place at the wrong time on the wrong person...