How to Stop Negative Thoughts
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| Stop Negative Thoughts |
I can't control whether you're husband and wife
will live or die or get sick or leave you or get a divorce I don't want any of
that to happen any healing day I hate suffering I do anything I can't help
people's not suffer but I can't control that you can you can there are people
have lost their arms lost their sight they're the people that have been through
the most horrific experiences life and they found a way to still be happy
because they've made the decision that life is too short to suffer by the interview
dozens and hundreds over the years but dozens that like have impacted my soul
that made me realize but I can change this I've just gotten used to it I've
bought into the theory that this this survival software that's constantly
running and making you suffer that that's normal no that's what the mind will
do and mind has been around forever what I'm gonna do is something different
and the way I get out of suffering I gave myself a 90 second look it's really
simple I say look I feel myself starting to feel that stress filling that
pissed off this or upsetness or concern or worry but I get whenever I realize
that's not gonna make it better life's too short to suffer and then I just kind
of breathe slowly slow everything down that crazy about so every set of thought
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch right and then then you don't kill them
could you don't believe that mom it's the thoughts that are stressful that you
believe when you question them you break the pattern there are certain patterns
that cause people to be fulfilled to be happy to fit to be strong to feel alive
to be vibrant to have passion in their life to do well financially but even
more importantly emotionally psychologically spiritually in their health and
their relationships and there are also patterns and make people frustrated
overwhelmed depressed sad lonely cause them to be struggling financially
struggling with their bodies struggling intimately and those patterns they're
not because there's something wrong with somebody's because of a pattern that
we're doing what's the fastest way to create a change in basically developing
the one thing that all people have in common to succeed their leaders because I
don't care what what style you are I don't care if you're a mom if you're a
great mom you lead your child you're not led by your child or great dad you're
great businessperson you're great salesperson you're a great negotiator you're
great anything you're great human being things this has been my entire life's
obsession what makes the difference in people's lives and that leadership
component as I say doesn't always mean somebody follows you a leader somebody
lives life on their terms that you will never settle for less than you can be
or share or give or create it's not what we get that makes us happy it's who we
become how we live our life who we are as a person people can take away all the
things but who you become no one can take away and the problem is most of us
are trying to be something we're not but it isn't so much about change about
changing yourself the change happens when you be yourself know thyself that's
the hard part for most people and then be thyself because most of us in our
lives out of a desire for respect or achievement or love or connection or
something we've been trying to be the way we think we have to be in order to
get that love respect appreciation whatever it is we've been after at some
unconscious level and we've been doing it so long that we think that this is
who we are because success without fulfillment is failure and I can't tell you
how many people I work with who are supposedly the best in the world at what
they do and they have more money than they can spend and they have all these
people that love and respect them and yet unhappy inside because if you want to
know what's really you what are you gonna be alive is when it's really you and
you may think you know who you are cuz you've been living a certain way but
I'll tell you how you'll know you'll feel euphoric you'll feel strong you'll
feel unlimited you'll feel free I have seen and a three million people around
this earth and eighty countries I've seen to some anything you can see and
there are only so many patterns and what you're gonna find underneath all of
this behavior is we have the same needs when you understand what those needs
are and which ones you're focusing on you start to understand why people do the
crazy things they do including you and I and you begin to understand hey there
might be a better way to meet my needs and I don't have to get caught up in
this game of stress and frustration upset
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| Stop Negative Thoughts |
I could really help this person I
care about because I could see what's really going on part of what we want to
accomplish here as leaders is we want to become practical psychologists we want
to understand what's really going on so we can help so we can make a difference
so we can transform so yes of course you can do better in your business because
the more you understand about what people need and want but greater you're
gonna be the better manager a better leader the better mom or dad the better
friend and there's a better you that's available when you understand what's
driving you but most of us are running patterns over and over again and we want
to free that up to free it up we got to break the pattern we got to do things
that are different so we're gonna do something different I'm not here because I
believe in positive thinking if you think's that's what I believe you don't
know much about me I'm not one those people who believes you're supposed to go
to your garden and chant there's no leads there's no leads there's no easy
there's weeds right there all right that's what I believe here's what I believe
I believe if you really want to be effective you got to tell the truth what I
want you to get is the single most important skill of life it's the word that
all leaders have what would that word be influence what changes companies is
leaders the only way to change the company is leadership and I want to change a
company that I own and I want to make a shift in that company the number one
thing I'm gonna do is shifting leadership that might be taking leaders to a
different level that might bring new leaders in that by the new leaders of new
voices with new perspectives with new skill sets new directions but we need to
take these two available leaders solve problems and leaders maximize resources
if you're gonna solve problems you can't do it yourself it would already been
solved you have to get others to help you to do it that requires influence true
if you can get people to maximize resources that requires influence if you're
gonna get people to partner with you provide you resources capital suppliers
anything that requires influence if you're going to have an impact on your kids
or your community or the world that requires influence there is no more
important skill of leadership than influence and yet most of us think of it
like selling and as a result we don't master influence so I'm not here today to
try and get you to become a master of influence in 45 minutes or so by chatting
with you here because we have so many other speakers this is the area of life I
am most focused on because I know that if you can't influence you can't lead
but if you can influence powerfully intelligently with integrity there is no
limit to whatever you can envision and what you can make real and if your
influence becomes not just use the influence but you're able to influence
systems people company culture if you can turn other people into influencers
now whatever you vision about can be made into reality and so as a skill of
influence we can ask ourselves company agree leaders are what change companies
raise Hannity grew that say I and leaders number one skills influence of
degrees say aye but then the question becomes how do you influence how do you
influence consistently with integrity you can influence many ways you can do
without integrity but the good news is we live in a world today where whatever
you do it's transparent to the world because there are no secrets anymore other
I don't try to have a secret today bless you you can forget the secret with the
internet with a culture we have the way the world is today there are no more
secrets and whatever you think is still possibly keep secret give it three or
four more years and it'll be impossible every phone call you make is recorded
there's no single phone call that goes in turn out in North America but they
don't have a recording of and they can search by word by tone by tempo they can
even recognize voices now there's no thing is such thing as privacy everything
you've ever put on
the Internet is there forever and people know it and can
search it the way you write is searchable mountain you cannot sign you email
you can put on somebody else's email and the structure of your language and the
way you influence things can be study at this level so the good news about that
is
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| Stop Negative Thoughts |
manipulation as a ongoing tool for success is over but adding value will
never go out of style truth will never go out of style so influencing with integrity
is the secret but what really influences people do facts and figures we give
you no facts and figures out of a core story is that can influence people no
it's the weaving that story together in a way that produces what shifts people
and that's human emotion ultimately the big game here is emotion you have to
influence emotion you have to influence the emotion of your people if you're
gonna maximize resources and if we all agree as we talked about the other day
it's not a lack of resources it's a lack of what resourcefulness if you're
creative enough if you're playful enough if you're determined enough if you're
focused enough you can find a way if you're giving enough if you're generous
enough if you're honest enough if you're courageous enough you won't get people
to help you you will find the way you will make that thing happen you'll access
the resource you get someone to coach you teach you loan it to you let you try
it drive it experience it so it's the ability influence emotion because that's
what affects our intellect that's the bottom line of course story is only there
to give you a set of facts to educate someone that will make them emotional
left to make a decision and what they do is they go through a series of things
that you love emotions about that may save them in a non-emotional way but the
only reason they work is because you know they're gonna open the person's
emotion how many agree with me on the side so as leaders we can never forget
the humans who are emotional creatures including ourselves and to influence
other people we have to know what already influences them we can't ever forget
what truly influences them it's gonna come down to our ability to connect with
them in a deep emotional level or get others to do the same here's how I'd say
it a really simple term to influence someone you have to already be influenced
right to move somebody you better be moved to touch somebody you can't touch
somebody about your product or service or vision or idea or your company if
you're not touched to persuade others you have to be persuaded you can't give
somebody else but you don't have now you may have it intellectually and here's
the challenge when we first meet somebody in your relationship and you're all
excited what's a little energy like zero to ten make the sound of that energy
you meet someone you're totally excited by make this sound every six months six
years twenty years later that's scary at it and it's not time because there are
people I've taught I've been with them been together 65 years and they're still
out of their mind for each other they make the same amount of noise you did in
the beginning here what changes is very often when you're around something
enough I don't care what it is there's a law called the law of familiarity the law
of familiarity says this every round something enough you take it just a little
bit for granted there's no matter what it is it's not that you don't care it's
it used to it it's that the variety of it is not quite as high it's not so new
and with that sometimes you give it less significance even though in your heart
you know it's significant you don't keep the aliveness of it it becomes
something you intellectual lives versus something you feel inside your body
with a passion so there people say but we love each other yeah oh that's great
you know hug each other right now and then you say you love it you give a
little kiss like that was that how it was in the beginning no it isn't time
it's that most people don't understand that this emotion this intensity this
passion has to be constantly reinforced every single day and like any muscle if
you don't use it you so then you have the base understanding why you do what
you do but you've lost the energy that makes it a lot and so if you're gonna be
touching people you got to be touched so then the question is how do we
influence ourselves how do we influence other people we got to get them into
their emotions we got to get ourselves into the emotions they're gonna move us
to action we got to do that one going because otherwise all the stuff you wrote
down will die it'll die in your book it'll die in your head it has to be a
level of emotional hunger in you that makes you go falls through there's got to
be a level of energy knew that when you go share with people you're able to
influence them to follow through and when they don't do it enough to get back
in there with them again and get them to do it again this is where the whole
game gets won or lost degree you disagree with me on this so what we gotta look
at is first of all us how many of you have days when you wake up and you feel
like I don't want to talk to people today I'm gonna go days like this Eli's say
ah but again as I said the other day if you're the leader you don't have that
choice and you're the leader you have to get in a good state if you're leader
you have to get yourself in that place and I know many of you have had some gut
checks let me see again in the last six months 12 months in your business with
economic onomichi light has never changed before I leave out those gut checks
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| Stop Negative Thoughts |
AI so what do we do we have to become masters of influence which means we have
to be able to master the state of our own organization to master state of our
own organization we got to know how to change that how fast my friends how fast
and where does it have to start ourselves since were the first constraint and
if we can do with ourselves and influence then we can teach everybody else to
influence we've said business is innovation and marketing you have to influence
people to innovate because they're not going to just do it because they're used
to what works and it's easier and they know it innovation means massive what
change how many people go give me more massive change my life with all the
other things I'm trying to hang on to they're not gonna do that you have to
influence people to innovate and marketing is influence so what influences us
is our state's how do we change our states let's start with you and I and with
anybody I want to work with you've worked with me before you know the first
answer if you're gonna change somebody state the fastest way to do it is
physical trying to change somebody's mind is really hard change their body
their mind will go if you doubt it give someone enough alcohol and just see how
quickly you can change them true give enough alcohol I don't care who they are
they're gonna change what are you changing biochemistry physiology physical
body and the emotion the mind will shift that's why people take drugs it's why
people eat when they go e it's a biochemical change in their body so but we can
do this through movement we can do this you change so if you want to be the
leader and you're gonna be affected first thing I say to all of you going home
so you don't feel overwhelmed is you need to develop a ongoing discipline
because we are our rituals I mean a physical one if you want to say well why is
my life the way it is today look at your rituals what do you call them rituals
are not you have them most of you get up and you have a set of rituals you go
straight to email or you go straight work out or you go have your breakfast or
you hit the snooze long at least three times your ritual who knows what I'm
talking about here and if you want to know what somebody's like you can see the
rituals you can look at anybody's body in this room if you have them take their
clothes off and you know some of their rituals or lack thereof this is a true
if every day you get up and your ritual is you go to Starbucks and order a
smoking book or whatever those things are that you have right and a big muffin
and whatever it is right and that's what you do every day it's not hard to
figure out what you're gonna be like by 10:30 in the morning you're gonna be
look at me next coffee next whatever is gonna stimulate your adrenal glands
like crazy and they're gonna drop predictably and we know what your stress
levels gonna be like we know when you're in is you're gonna go and say it's
predictable because of your rituals if you eat a certain way you can predict
that person is gonna be fat and tired he's a different way you know if a person
eats and they exercise a certain way you don't the body's gonna be like who you
out five days a week never misses it's just your life let me see your hands
look at look at the number people God's fantastic howdy everybody hand that's
really fantastic who here honestly never works out consistently right don't
clap here's what's interesting I'm not saying one is right is one that's wrong
but were those two different rituals create a different body yes or no if we
wanted to really make it clear we'd say everybody works out five days a week
stand up we can look at them sit down everybody doesn't work out stand up look
at them it'll be pretty obvious now some people's metabolism is different than get
by with different things but you get the picture don't you your relationships
today are the results of your rituals if the first thing you do every day when
you come home is hi honey and then you go and give a little peck on the cheek
and then you sit down and start typing your emails you flip on the news it's
not hard to know what your relationships gonna be like you guys might love each
other but it's gonna be one boring dead relationship it's like having a brother
or sister but if your new ritual was and you just in the beginning you made it
a ritual just made for fun you say every day when I come home I'm gonna do
those already y'all my husband or wife's name or sometimes I want my wife's a
little crazy so I called Lucy I'm home and then we both go running wherever she
is now so wherever the house we go running full-speed like lovers they haven't
seen each other in six months we do it ask my assistant all the time not
everyday but it's a ritual do this process right it's just a crazy thing thank
you thank you I appreciate the mmm I'm telling you to do this I'm telling us
cuz I want you create yours because when you do that and you're playful and
crazy and you do that a regular basis like you can't wait to see each other and
the biggest ritual that we have besides physical by the way let me just say to
you this this when you go home if you want to transform your business transform
you by creating first if you don't already have one a set of physical rituals
that you're not gonna miss I don't care what three days a week four days a week
something that's gonna make you physically strong because in a place where if
there's gonna be a lot of fear the way you deal with crisis is number one thing
you should do is feed your mind and you're doing that get yourself new answer
immerse yourself in new environments get new voices have new perspectives ask
some new questions isn't that what we've been doing here right and we're doing
it together and bringing all these people together I basically to create
innovation in your life and marketing I've assembled here 19 people you
assemble five days your life and we're just rockin day and night it's the total
immersion of what I taught you in innovation it's really what it is but this is
got to continue for it to continue that we've also been managing your state to
a great extent all right most of you don't call home in four or five days they
start clapping my crazy and screaming and shaking you don't do that you said
right and so something's gonna go like wow it doesn't feel the same as such a
seminar and stuff I'm back here by myself my people aren't doing this but some
of you will go home and initiate this you're gonna have your physiology five
your five minutes of physiology shift once an hour once every 90 minutes or no
more than once every two hours you're gonna start your morning with everybody
you're gonna bring in and get some little audio clip of something from a movie
or something that blasts across you know the room and everybody stand at
attention you're gonna do some crazy stuff if you're smart go over examples
we'll see what they do they got the most crazy stuff going on there all the
stuff that I do in seminars they do every day at their location with their
people and people can't wait to get the work and they're in a certain State...
