Positive and Negative Anger

Positive and Negative Anger

Positive and Negative Anger

One of the things that gets us in trouble about anger is that we think it is not o'kay. We put this value judgment on it. We're not supposed to be angry. People don't like us when we are angry. They don't want us to express our anger around them. Nobody likes to be yelled at and specifically it is important for us to understand the difference between anger and violence because you say, all emotions are o'kay, anger has a time and a place but when we keep stuffing that anger and stuffing that anger and stuffing that anger what happens is at some point some little thing sets us off and it blows, it starts just popping out all over the place so anger is not o'kay when anger is violent. But anger is o'kay when it comes to standing up for ourselves, telling other people that we felt hurt, using that angry energy to do something like Mother's Against Drunk Driving, angry that the child was killed. And yet that energy in motion becomes the momentum to do something positive and constructive in the world but it started with an angry energy so anger has a time and a place. There is a healthy and productive way to express it and that's what we are going to do next... 

Human Territoriality

Human Territoriality

Territoriality

Territoriality. And I don't know if you knew that this was non-verbal or not, but it is. And I don't know if you realize that you do it or not, but I guarantee you do. What territorality is, is our space. Not in the sense like proximates, but this is my desk, this is my chair, this is my phone, this is my cup of coffee, leave it alone. This is how we establish, who we are. This is us, this represents us. It happens in classrooms, it happens in offices, it happens in personal relationships. When I'm teaching, this topic in my college classroom, what I do, what I find very interesting, is very early on in the semester, students tend to gravitate to a specific seat. They may want to sit in the front, they may want to sit in the back. But whatever it is, very early on they establish, that that's where they're going to sit. That is where they feel comfortable. And that's what this is all about. Then one day, I'll pull three students out in the hall and I'll tell them, the next time you come to class you're going to sit in a different, somebody's chair. And to see the students come in and blow up, because someone is in their space, it happens every time. So your territorality, is the way in which you communicate who you are and your comfort zone and your area. We don't like it when people start messing with our stuff, and so that can be a very, it can be a very negative thing. But it is also simply just very representational of who you are and your rituals for existence. Your ritual for non-verbal, your non-verbal environment...

Tattoos and Piercings | Playful Touch Communication

Tattoos and Piercings

Tattoos and Piercings 

Body adornment. And when I'm talking about body adornment, obviously I'm talking about jewelry. But I'm going to talk about another thing as well. Your jewelry gives very much an impression about you. If you'll notice me, I don't wear a lot of jewelry. That's my style. That is how I communicate non verbally with that artifact. I kind of don't. But other people do. Some people wear, and guys and girls, old and young, big earrings or little earrings or two earrings or nine earrings or jewelry all over your face, or necklaces and bracelets and rings. That is an expression. That is a way to communicate and give an impression about yourself. Now another body adornment in addition to body piercing in general, is tattoos. Tattoos are very much a form of communication, very much give an impression whether good or bad. Tattoos are very popular in society today, so I don't think people really think about them. But they are very aware of them and it is a way through artifacts that you express yourself. Now again, similar to clothing, the only time you want to maybe alter your non verbal artifacts, might be depending on the situation. If you are going for a job interview at a bank, and that's a very conservative environment, you might want to tone your jewelry down or remove some of your body piercing jewelry or possible cover up your tattoos. So, again it’s not anything you need to change or be aware of. Just be aware of circumstantially it does form an impression.

Playful Touch Communication

Playful Touch Communication

We express through touch, something that we communicate with each other is playfulness. And usually these are positive relationships in which touch comes in and creates playfulness. You might think about children and how they are very playful, you know, they wrestle and they run and they chase and they tag and they do all of that. But we as adults can do that as well. And this has a whole lot to do with male-female relationships or you know, relationships, we see a lot of playfulness, especially in the early stages of relationships. You know wrestling, or you know, chucking on the arm, or things where, you know, "I'm going to hit you, but I'm not really hitting you, I'm playfully hitting you". That is a real important thing that we see in, as positive communication in relationships. So playfulness is a good thing. It's completely okay to express yourself physically in that way...

How to Improve Your Work Environment

How to Improve Your Work Environment

Improve Your Work Environment

Improving the situation at work, Before lunch getting out of your car and other times. What if I'm in a job that I am just not having a good time at? It's the work is very demanding perhaps more than a person could possibly do. The environment might be difficult the people that I am dealing with might be difficult. How can I reduce the stress? How can I reduce the degree to which those people's situations environments are like a saber tooth tiger? Well, one way is to get clear about whether or not there are saber tooth tigers what can the boss do to me? Well, the boss could fire me, well what can I do about that? WellI can research jobs, I can figure out why I am afraid of getting fired, I can think about re-training or improving my skills. Each of those are action that can relieve the stress related to that particular situation. Often what we do is, we go through our work through our work day not feeling good but not doing anything about it really. Often what we will do, and this is the risky part of stress at work is we'll come home and take it out on the family. Or on the road take it out on other drivers. Or sometimes we'll do dangerous coping things, such as smoking drinking over eating or perhaps using illegal or entertainment drugs which can make the stress much worse. So, sitting down with somebody like a family member or a collegue who you trust talking about the situation finding out what the problem really consists of and what the possibiliites are to resolve it are effective ways to reduce the stress at work. Keeping in mind that if you can't get an answer to any of these questions the most effective thing to do is relax...

Nonverbal Communication | illustrators | Silence

Illustrators

illustrators

The nonverbal's of body communication, and as I'm telling you what they are so that you can recognize them and I'm also encouraging you to use them. Because like we talked about before, the more you use non-verbal communication, the better communicator you are. So let's take a look at Illustrators. Now, illustrators are, are body movements that go with words. The body is actually enhancing what you're saying and these are really, really important. So if you don't use illustrators, I want to encourage you to do so. They are things like, "Common, let's go". You know, just a simple gesture that, "So let's go", you're saying it with your body as well as your words. These are use a lot in communication. If I'm talking to you and you're trying to interrupt me, I might put my hand up, rather than, or in a long to, "just, just a minute, I'm not finished yet". So illustrators are use to enhance what we're saying but it's very important that you're illustrators actually enhance what you're saying, rather than contradict to what you're saying. Your body might be saying this, but your voice is saying this. So be real aware of what you're saying and doing with your body and make sure that they go together, otherwise you'll be sending mixed messages.

Silence

Silence

Silence. Yes, that was silent. And what does that communicate? Nothing. Nothing. Have you ever heard of, or given, or received the silent treatment? Ah, we see it in relationships a whole lot. And what the silent treatment is something like this. "So, do you want to talk about it?" No, I'd rather be silent and punish you, than tell you how I'm really feeling or thinking. The silent treatment is a way in which we communicate. It communicates that we don't want to communicate. I cannot encourage you enough, not to give people the silent treatment. And I've known a lot of people, I've worked with a lot of people in my life that love the silent treatment. They love for you to have to figure out what it is that you're upset about. And that is really, really bad in communication. It is one of the worst non-verbal tools that you can pick up and use. So, stop using the silent treatment and start encouraging yourself to use words, which is verbal communication, to communicate how you feel...

Stress Causes Symptoms

Stress Causes Symptoms

Stress Causes Symptoms

What happens if we don't take care of these stress symptoms? What happens if I feel the tension doesn?t figure out what it's about and don't find a way to relieve it. And you remember we talked about action plus relaxation equals lower stress. If I notice this happening and I know why it's happing and I go and solve the problem, stress goes away. If I know it's happening but I don't know what to do to solve the problem and I relax, the stress symptom, the energy wastage goes away. What if I don't do that? What if I continue to act as if there is a saber tooth tiger in the room, but don't do anything about it? Well, after a while the energy wastage in the human body, can, can have a serious effect on us. If you recall in the flight or fight activity, our immune system and our digestive system stop working because they're not necessary if there's a saber tooth tiger over there. If our immune system is down, we're more susceptible to whatever bug happens to be in the area, that 's why when the things are often at their worst we often get sick. We get a cold or the flu, or we don't feel good or our energy is down. The ability to notice that early and stop it, can prevent that when we're feeling good when things are going well, we will tend not to get sick. All right! so, we can, we can catch the nervous bug, we can be off our feed. If your digestive system doesn't work well, that?s a large part of the body's operation, it's how we process food. It how healthy we feel based on the food that's coming in. So, all of these things contribute toward not feeling well and at the beginning the not felling well is, is not having energy or "just not feeling ok". After a while that can turn, that can turn into situations, which can exasperate illness. If you've got an illness going on or a disease going on, the fact that your body doesn't have the energy to deal with it allows it to go further and this wonderful healing capacity of our bodies cannot work as well when we're under stress and the stress, and we never resolve the symptoms... 

Tips For Job Interview Sequence

Tips For Job Interview Sequence

Tips For Job Interview Sequence

There are actually three stages of interviews that you might go through. You might not go through all three but it's highly possible, depending on the job and the position, that you might go through all three stages. The first stage that you might go through is the sequence stage and basically what this is is, it's a huge group of people and what the employer is doing is they're trying to cull through and get rid of all the people that in no way would be right for this position. Sometimes these interviews are held on college campuses, maybe in a giant lecture hall or a big room of some sort. This type of interview is very structured and the interviewer will ask all the applicants the same questions. It's a pack set of questions that they're going to ask. General questions, very broad. What you want to do in this type of interview is follow the lead of the interviewer, this is not the interview stage where you go off on a tangent about how fabulous you are. That'll come in a later stage. Right now, go with what the interviewer says, alright. Be short and to the point. Now you can go beyond yes and no answers but you don't want to go on and on and on. Time is very limited, so talking to much can be a huge mistake. Two things that you definitely do want to do in this type of interview. One of your goals is to differentiate yourself from all the other hundreds of applicants and this could be something as simple as, perhaps you know someone who works for the company, you mention their name. Something that sets you apart. Maybe you went to college at the same college that the owner went to, something like that and then you want to have the opportunity, create an opportunity to demonstrate one particular skill that makes you perfect for this position and that's just one of stages and now we're going to look at the other two...